


Liquid Courage

by Avalon_Dragon



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 21:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13350105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avalon_Dragon/pseuds/Avalon_Dragon
Summary: Warm hands framed his face and before he could do or say anything, Yunho kissed him briefly on the lips.“Then this is as far as we could go.” Yunho said when he pulled back, “You are precious to me Changmin, and I wouldn’t want anything to screw this up.”With a smile and a stroke of his hair, Yunho left.





	Liquid Courage

The first time it happened, there was alcohol involved.

Okay, there was A LOT of alcohol involved.

Changmin was fuzzy on the details, but he remembered they started drinking to celebrate the success of their tour. They have just successfully concluded their performance at the Nissan Stadium, and the high that came with that achievement left them both buzzing with unspent energy even after performing for over 3 hours.

When they were dropped off by their manager at the hotel after the formal dinner with their crew, they continued the drinking while talking about plans for the future. Yunho was finalizing his plans for enlistment, while Changmin was torn between the decision to minimize the time gap so they could quickly return as a duo or spend some time building his own personal presence as an artist.

The thought of having to promote alone excited and yet scared him at the same time and Yunho wasn’t being a lot of help, because his response was just to smile and assure Changmin he would support whatever decision the younger man made.

He realized then how reliant he was to Yunho when it came to his professional career since most decisions about TVXQ activities were usually made by the older man. Of course, Yunho always consulted with Changmin first, but while he was good at analyzing situations and giving insights, he held himself back by overthinking the problem and doubting his own conclusion.

What if it wasn’t the right decision? What if they couldn’t reach their goal? What if he missed a better solution? What if, what if.

These kinds of thoughts plagued him and in a way, he was glad that Yunho did not share the same neurosis. The man had the confidence to firmly make a decision after a careful deliberation and never let his own head sabotage him.

Changmin remembered telling Yunho this, only to be met with a sad smile.

“I don’t always make the right decision, Changmin.” He had said softly.

Changmin remembered hating that expression on Yunho’s normally cheerful face, and the best solution his alcohol addled brain could come with was to kiss it away.

So he did.

It was so easy, he just leaned in and kissed Yunho’s soft lips.

This was when things get really blurry. He remembered being pushed away, Yunho looking at him confused and worried, but then there was more kissing, and more kissing, and the next thing he knew he woke up on Yunho’s bed with his head pillowed on the man’s chest. 

* * *

 The second time it happened, there was still alcohol involved.

Things were slightly awkward after their first make-out session, and so Changmin handled it the way Shim Changmin handled things best.

Pretending it never happened.

He was drunk out of his mind, Yunho was drunk out of his mind, and they both woke up still fully clothed with no real visible evidence that something untoward had happened.

Okay, Yunho had a hickey on his neck but it could have easily been a bug bite.

Yunho seemed a bit surprised when Changmin greeted him in the morning with obvious fake cheer, but then he seemed to decide that if Changmin wasn’t going to bring it up, he wasn’t going to either.

They were awkward for a while, which was to be expected when you suddenly make out with someone who was practically your brother out of the blue then refused to talk about it, but Changmin thought they hid it quite well. So what if their friends and crew asked if they had another big fight, the situation was fully under control.

He would love the opportunity to dramatically avoid Yunho like in the movies, but they were very busy preparing for their special live concert _Time Slip_ and their tenth-anniversary album. It was a blessing and a curse. They were so obviously out of sync the first few days even Shim Jaewon was frustrated, but all the time they spent in the practice room together in close proximity helped them to fall back to their easy rhythm. It also helped that Changmin was so busy, he had very little time to be distracted by little things like why the heck did he kiss Yunho, or by the small voice inside him that said he wanted to do it again.

Changmin had just finished convincing himself it was just a phase he had gotten over with when Yunho showed up in his apartment with a bottle of wine.

“We need to talk.” The older man had said, and Changmin almost slammed the door in fear but controlled his reaction enough to nod silently and let him in.

Thankfully, Yunho didn’t come to talk about the very awkward kiss they had.

Unfortunately, he came because he wanted Changmin to be the first person to hear about his enlistment plans.

Not that he already had a date, but the plan was solid enough that he knew this tenth album and the following concert would probably be his last activities for a while in Korea. Changmin wasn’t surprised, but hearing the plans laid out with such certainty hurt.

So he took more alcohol out of his fridge to drink.

He was pretty sure he asked at one point if he could just enlist at the same time in the same unit with the older man, but Yunho’s wise reply was to ask him if he thought it would be the right decision to make.

At that moment he really hated Yunho’s smug beautiful face, which he apparently said out loud, because Yunho laughed warmly.

Changmin always loved Yunho’s laugh, it was the main reason he behaved like a brat most of the time because he knew his snarky remarks would bring out that laugh without fail. It drew him in, closer and closer without him realizing it.

Then suddenly he stopped.

He opened the eyes he didn’t remember closing.

Yunho had his hand on his chest, his expression gentle but guarded. “Are we going to pretend this never happened too, or are we going to talk about this in the morning?”

Changmin didn’t know the answer to Yunho’s question, so he told the older man exactly that.

Warm hands framed his face and before he could do or say anything, Yunho kissed him briefly on the lips.

“Then this is as far as we could go.” Yunho said when he pulled back, “You are precious to me Changmin, and I wouldn’t want anything to screw this up.”

With a smile and a stroke of his hair, Yunho left.

It wasn’t until hours later that Changmin remembered how to move his limbs and rose from the couch in his living room to let out a silent scream under the safety of his blanket. 

* * *

 The third time it happened still involved alcohol.

It was only a very small amount though, so Changmin really had no excuse for his actions. Not that he was looking for one at that point.

Yunho didn’t treat Changmin any differently after the depressing incident that went down in his apartment. He was every bit the capable leader and caring older brother Changmin knew, spending extra time to help him memorize the dance moves, encouraging him whenever he doubted himself, and laughing at all his stupid comments.

Things were as normal as it could be, or at least appeared as normal as it could be in the eyes of their managers, bodyguards and crew members. But for Changmin, the fact that nothing changed between them just made it even more obvious how much effort Yunho put in to act like nothing happened.

It made him feel like a jerk because none of it would be necessary if he had just kept his drunken ass under control and not attack Yunho with a kiss out of the blue.

He chose to ignore the undeniable fact that it required two people to have a hot make-out session or the fact that Yunho definitely had feelings for him that was not just brotherly, because he was already having troubles sorting out his own head and he wasn’t planning to open another can of worms before he was ready.

So he spent a lot of time reflecting on his own thoughts and feelings.

He had known Yunho for over 10 years, and the two of them spent a lot of time together. If Changmin actually calculated the numbers, he probably had spent more time with Yunho than he did his own family ever since he became a teenager.

It was true that they had a rocky start to their relationship. Yunho thought he was a spoiled brat who thought being an idol was easy because of his look, and Changmin thought Yunho was a scary hotheaded senior who want everything to go his way. They both realized quickly that their first impression of each other was way off the mark, and formed a close bond. Yunho took Changmin under his wing, and Changmin looked up to Yunho like a role model.

Their relationship had evolved since then, especially after all the shit they went through. It had frustrated him to no end when Yunho insisted on carrying all the weight as ‘the leader’ at first, because Changmin was no longer a child. He was older than Yunho was when the man started taking responsibility for their group, and he was only two years younger, so it was ridiculous that the man treated him like he was still the scrawny teen he met at SM’s trainee center.

It took time for Yunho to realize it, but after some very vocal arguments, he finally started to see and treat Changmin like an equal.

For a while, everything was perfect.

Yet now, it wasn’t enough.

Changmin didn’t know if it was the fear and anxiety of being on his own after such a long time of having Yunho by his side that shifted the balance, all he knew was that he wasn’t satisfied with the manly hugs or the pats on the back or the affectionate ruffle of his hair, he wanted more. He wanted everything from Yunho and wanted to give him everything in return.

It was then he realized that he was probably in love with Jung Yunho.

Changmin wondered if the reason why it took so long for him to realize his own feelings was his own experience with dating in the past.

With his past girlfriends, it was very much like what the romance movies told him to expect. A feeling of attraction that made his stomach flutter with anticipation of their next meeting. Everything was new and exciting, every date, every kiss, every moment creating a rush of emotions and adrenaline that keep his heart pumping.

With Yunho, there was really nothing of the sort.

He didn’t have butterflies at the prospect of seeing the man because they were practically joined at the hip. Considering their career, it was very difficult to discern if the rush he felt was from the brush of Yunho’s fingers against his own or from the deafening cheers from their loving fans. Nothing was simple, nothing was obvious until the prospect of not sharing the stage with the older man made his heart ache and his stomach churn.

Changmin couldn’t think of a life without Yunho, nor would he want a life without the older man.

But was that love?

He wasn’t sure, and they were so busy with all their concert preparations that he couldn’t come up with a time to discuss it with Yunho.

At the end of the first day for _Time Slip_ , he took a very eager drink of the can of beer they provided on stage. People knew he loved his alcohol, so they just laughed at his antic. Nobody had to know he needed all the liquid courage he could get to bring up the topic with Yunho. It was their tenth anniversary, they were pumped from all the excitement, Changmin didn’t know if it was the right timing but he was sure he would have exploded if he didn’t get things off his chest soon.

So after the concert, the moment they made it back to the dressing room, he told their stylists and manager he needed a few minutes to talk with Yunho. They all raised their eyebrows at the strange request, but knowing that topics about debut and anniversary could still be a sore spot, they agreed to wait outside to give them privacy.

Yunho looked at him curiously from where he stood at the center of the room. Changmin knew his teammate’s expression very well now. He could see uncertainty, worry and a slight sliver of hope in his face. Yunho kissing him wasn’t his drunken delusion then, and Yunho feeling the same way was not just some hopeful wishing on his part.

“I have been thinking,” Changmin started as he made his way to the older man, “And I am still not sure about a lot of things, not even close. But one thing I am sure of, is that I won’t pretend this didn’t happen.”

With that, he stepped in close and caught Yunho's lips with his own.

 There was a small noise of shock before Changmin felt Yunho relax and started to kiss him back. Changmin’s hand naturally went around Yunho’s neck, cradling his head from behind with one hand. Yunho’s hands settled on his waist, his thumb slipping under the white shirt he wore and rubbing the skin underneath. Changmin knew they were getting into dangerous territory with the way they were kissing. If it continued there was no hiding it from the staff and crew what kind of conversation they were having.

 So Changmin decided to pull back first.

“Changmin?” There was still uncertainty in his eyes, he probably mistook Changmin’s breaking the kiss as another sign of indecision.

“And I do want to talk about this in the morning.” He grinned, all teeth and mismatched eyes.

Yunho laughed, “Okay then we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

It was a very small step in their relationship, but Changmin couldn’t help but feel it was one in the right direction.

* * *

The fourth time it happened, it bled into the fifth time, the sixth time and by the time they reached seven, Changmin stopped counting.

There was barely any alcohol involved so Changmin happily remembered every single one.

They didn’t talk in the morning after their third kiss, which was ironic because he made such a gesture about it, but Yunho greeted him with a smile before they had to prepare for the second night of their concert so he decided it was good enough he was willing to discuss it.

Which they did, almost a week later.

If anyone was wondering why it was difficult for them to maintain a relationship in the past, one only need to see their schedule to see the kind of hours they have.

It was concert then rehearsals then recording then fitting then photoshoot then filming then interviews then flying to Japan and on and on as they prepare for the release of _Tense_. Their lives were a constant stream of activities with barely any break in between. When they do have time, it was during some crazy hour in the morning where most people would be sleeping. Anyone would have difficulty dating under those conditions.

Changmin realized then how much he really wanted to kiss Yunho. He didn’t remember how he survived every day for the past 10 years without thinking about hugging or kissing him. He wanted to steal small kisses whenever he could, but Yunho always cleverly distracted him with one thing or the other, and by the end of the week, Changmin was sure he was stir crazy with want.

Thankfully, Changmin and Yunho shared similar schedules most of the time, so the one day they finished early, he commandeered the older man’s time under the pretense of regretting his choice to move out because he was feeling very nostalgic of when he shared a living space with Yunho. Since the leader didn’t point out that he conveniently left out the fact that they were still living together in Japan, the managers just chalked it up to one of Changmin’s mood and dropped them at Yunho’s.

Changmin was happy enough to start kissing Yunho the moment the door closed, but his teammate laughed before steering them both to the living room.

“Talk first, kiss after.” He said cheekily.

There was definitely no pouting from Changmin. None.

He waited until Yunho sat on the couch before plopping next to him. Yunho smiled and brushed his bang away. “So, we kissed.”

“We did.” Changmin agreed.

“And we were both sober.” Yunho teased, reminding him of the kiss that started the whole thing.

Changmin ducked his head sheepishly, “Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Well, whatever it was, you weren’t the only one affected.”

Changmin took Yunho’s hand in his own, “So what does this mean?”

“Well, I think this means we’re physically attracted to each other.” Yunho laced their fingers together, “But beyond that, I am not sure.”

Changmin realized he agreed.

They have both ‘loved and lost’ in the past to know that it was not a simple matter of emotions. When he broke up with his first girlfriend, he was devastated. She was his first love and he thought he would never recover from it. But he did, and he was even able to form relationships with other people. His second girlfriend he loved just as much as his first, but their relationship naturally drifted apart as they both were busy with their own careers.

He knew Yunho shared a similar experience with his girlfriends. They often talked about it when they were younger and still shared a room. They both came to the conclusion that love was part emotions and part commitment, so to say they loved each other than would probably be premature.

Of course, they had shown commitment to each other, but the love they felt was different than the attraction they were feeling. Or maybe that attraction had been there all along, and it helped them to stay committed with each other. Either way, there were a lot of things they need to learn and explore each other since their relationship had taken an entirely different yet similar dimension to it.

“I am open to exploring this,” Changmin said, bringing their laced hand together to kiss the back of Yunho’s hand. “Wherever this leads.”

With his free hand, Yunho reached over and pulled Changmin close. He remembered letting out a sigh of relief when their lips finally met. Yunho’s lips were as warm and soft as he remembered. But then Yunho angled his head to try to deepen the kiss and Changmin instinctively fought back.

It was a strange feeling. Neither of them was a stranger to kissing, and Changmin really wanted to be kissing Yunho but he was so used to being the dominant partner when kissing girls in the past he didn’t know how to let Yunho lead them. He met the older man nibble to nibble, sweep to sweep.

They fought for a while, each wanting to be the dominant partner, but then Yunho bit Changmin’s bottom lip lightly between his teeth and pulled back slightly before letting go. When his eyes fluttered open, Changmin saw pure lust in Yunho’s eyes, and it was then he knew he could keep fighting, but he would lose in the end.

“Screw it.” He whispered, before throwing his arms around Yunho’s neck and kissing him again.

This time he just let Yunho lead them while giving just as much in return. Yunho kept it a dance of lips at first, while his hands roamed Changmin’s back. He threaded his fingers on the hair at the back of Yunho’s head in return, teasing and pulling the soft strands and made it stand up at the base.

Then Yunho swept his tongue on his bottom lips and Changmin let his lips part open, taking it him, meeting it with his own. They shifted angles and pace, only parting long enough to catch their breaths. Changmin had to say it was the hottest kiss he ever had in his life.

Keeping their mouths attached, Yunho shifted forward with his body and carefully guided Changmin back unto the couch.

He knew he should feel strange having another man’s body on top of him, unlike the girls he dated in the past, Yunho’s body was muscle and strength. There was no softness or curves that he was used to having pressed against him like he would when making out with a girl, but somehow the weight and the warmth assured him, and he wanted to feel more.

His hands were halfway into sneaking under Yunho’s shirt when someone’s phone rang. The melody seemed familiar but it seemed from very far away. Yunho sat up on his heels and looked at him expectantly.

With a groan, he reached into his pocket. He sighed in defeat when he saw the caller ID.

“It’s my mom. I forgot I promised to call her as soon as we finish practice today.”

Yunho laughed.

“Well, go talk to her. I’m not going anywhere.”

He gave Yunho a peck on his lips before grinning at the promise.

They still hadn’t figured out their status or set any boundaries to make sure their relationship didn’t crumble down the first argument they had, but at least they knew where they stood, and with that revelation, Changmin couldn’t wait to explore more firsts with Yunho.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Currently working on the 2nd chapter of A Happy Ending, and few other TVXQ fanfiction, but this short story demanded to be written first. I have always loved n + 1 stories so this is my version of it. Feedback and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://avalon-dragon.tumblr.com/).


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